Come Tenderness
by Thyqua
Summary: One shot, post Peripheral Vision.     'He had to assume her barriers were weaker at night, when fears came out to play with no daylight to pierce through them.'


_**I know, I know, I should be writing 'Lies and Hidden Secrets' material, but I've wanted to write a fic about the end of Peripheral Vision for ages, and finally had a blip of inspiration one night recently when I couldn't sleep! Only didn't upload it sooner due to my issues with having four stories on here (I really don't like that number) that, and I struggled to decide what to call it. But anyway, personal insanities shouldn't get in the way of life (too much). Finally took the name from a song on the album 'Silver Tree' by Lisa Gerrard – which is incredible music that I'd try to describe but I'm not sure I could find the words. So here it is…hope you enjoy it... **_

...

"_Nikki." Harry walked straight up to her and drew her into a hug, holding her somewhat tighter than usual. "Are you okay?"_

"_Yeah." Leo made his way over to them as they pulled apart, resting a hand briefly on her arm as he spoke. _

"_I thought I told you to stay at home."_

"_I'm fine." She tried to smile lightly with her reply, but honestly couldn't tell how it came out. She was tired. She almost wished she was at home, tucked up in bed. Almost. Things weren't quite as simple as she would have liked. There was more that came with being at home, alone, than just not having to deal with anyone. The ghosts and fears that came out when no one else was around were enough to drive Nikki to work, where she could put them off for just a little longer. _

...

It had been a lie. A complete and total lie when she had told them that she was okay, that she was fine. The way that Harry had looked at her in that moment as Leo went to answer the door she wondered if he knew. Whether he realised she was lying. He didn't call her up on it. But then again, he didn't really get the chance as they were soon interrupted.

She wondered whether he would have pushed her, questioned her further. He must have known there was more behind her being back at work than her already persistent inability to stay away.

What had Leo thought? Had he also made the assumption that she was totally obsessed with her job rather than there being any other reason for her to be there? So late in the evening. After being attacked. Again.

She knew why she couldn't go home, why she found herself back at work despite being told to take the rest of the day off. And the next day, if she needed it, Leo had said on the phone earlier. But she couldn't go home. She was still having nightmares from the last time. Her dreams often took her back to that hospital basement. After a day like today she could only assume the nightmares would be even worse.

She often found herself wondering, usually after another basement dream, as she had nicknamed them in her head, how it had happened. She should have known better than to go wandering off in the dark when they already knew there was a murderer somewhere around the hospital.

She had to wonder how she did it. How she always stumbled upon trouble. It wasn't that she didn't see it coming. She often got a tingle down her spine before something happened, and yet she ploughed on all the same. She really ought to start trusting that feeling, although it often came too late to do her any good.

She couldn't help the doubts that ran through her mind. If Harry hadn't gotten there so soon. If she'd fallen slightly differently. If Martin Huston had decided to kill her as he did Claire; clearing up her body by dumping it in the incinerator. She couldn't stop thinking about it. During the day she managed to distract herself. But at night, with the lights off and shadows cast around her bedroom, she couldn't stop wondering what might have happened.

At least that time it had been quick. The actual attack wasn't all that scary as she didn't really remember it. Though her mind did have a tendency to make it terrifying when it replayed the scene in the middle of the night. The scary thing at the time was waking up and not knowing what had happened. Whether her attacker would come back to finish her, whether she'd get all of her memories back or have to carry on with a few missing pieces of the puzzle that made up her life.

This time she could see the whole thing on slow replay in her head. That first moment she'd seen the yellow flowers of the _Forsythia_ plant and it had all clicked into place. The second that he'd rushed for her, grabbing hold of her as she struggled to fight him off. Reaching for something, anything that would help her get free. Being on her knees, with hands so tightly around her neck that she couldn't breathe.

A hand subconsciously reached up to rub her neck, as if making sure the hands weren't still there. She could almost feel them. Almost feel the pressure and force against her windpipe.

Giving herself a shake, Nikki managed to take a deep breath. She had to shake herself out of these thoughts before they overpowered her and she crumpled into pieces on the floor.

She'd just finished packing away the remains of Clara and Floria, now that the case was solved and there was no more work to be done. It had kept her busy for a little while, but her mind was beginning to wander to dangerous places again, and she knew either Harry or Leo would be sure to come looking for her soon to check on her.

She didn't want to break down in front of them. Definitely not at work, anyway. They'd both seen her crying often enough recently, what would they start to think if she broke down again? Maybe she could slide out of the lab whilst they were busy, discretely slip away into the night and get herself home where she didn't have to pretend to be strong to anyone.

Sometimes there were advantages to living alone.

Although part of her had begun to wonder whether it would always be like this. Whether she'd always be going home, alone, even at the times she really wished she had someone there for company. Or comfort. There were times that being alone only seemed to make things even harder to deal with, to overcome. It was amazing the difference that a hug could make, the power of simply being held in someone's arms.

Nikki sighed as she slipped her arms out of her lab coat, hanging it up in her locker, momentarily resting her forehead against the cold metal as she closed it. Walking back to her desk, she managed to pull on her coat and pick up her bag, noting that her colleagues were back in Leo's office deep in conversation. She stuck her head around the door before leaving, catching their attention in an instant, and having to stop herself from the desire to flinch away as they both turned to look at her.

"I'm all packed up, I'm going to head home." Leo nodded simply, but Harry felt the need to question her again.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Nikki nodded somewhat unconvincingly, failing miserably at trying to accompany it with a smile.

"Night." She opted to turn and walk away before they had a chance to question her more. She didn't see the look that passed between the two men as she left. They knew that she wasn't alright. That she couldn't possibly be alright.

...

Lying in bed a few hours later; body curled around a hot water bottle in an attempt to still the trembling that had overcome her, Nikki almost jumped when she heard her phone ring. An unsteady arm ventured out from under the covers to reach for her mobile phone. Lifting it from the bedside table and pulling it across the bed towards her, Nikki tilted the display so that she could see who was calling. Harry. She didn't know whether to sigh in relief that she no longer had to debate whether she could call him at this time of night, or be concerned that he somehow knew that something was wrong. If he didn't already know, he was bound to guess once he heard her voice. She was far too tired to pretend.

"Hey." Nikki decided that on the off chance he didn't realise something was wrong, the less she said the better the chances of pretending that she was alright.

"Hey. I wasn't sure you'd still be awake." Who was he kidding, he knew she wouldn't be able to sleep after the day she'd had.

"I'm awake." She replied simply, and rather unnecessarily.

"Great. In that case is there any chance you could let me in? It's bloody freezing out here."

"You're here?" Nikki questioned, finally sitting up in bed. "Now?"

"Well yes, I usually am 'here' 'now', but right now I'm outside your building. How's it going with that concept of letting me in from the cold?" Harry's answer soon came in the form of a loud buzz as the electronic lock on the door allowed him entry.

He took the steps to Nikki's flat two at a time. His long legs didn't really notice the effort, and now that he was here he really wanted to see Nikki. Today had freaked him out a little. That was a lie; it had freaked him out a lot. He hated her habit of finding trouble, he was sure it caused him to spend far more time worrying about her than was usual for friends. They were best friends, but even so, he had to wonder on occasion whether it was normal.

He reached a hand up to knock on her door once he got there, his hand not quite reaching the door before it opened in front of him. He only caught a glimpse of Nikki as she stepped back to let him in, but it was enough to worry him even more. She turned away slightly as he entered and closed the door behind him, and he couldn't help but wonder why.

He stood silently, patiently, by the closed door, until she sighed and turned around to face him. What he saw pulled at his heart strings. Which was ridiculous really, considering he'd dissected enough hearts to know they didn't have strings. She stood before him, face devoid of makeup, a huge floppy jumper swamping her frame, almost reaching her knees, bare legs and feet visible beneath. One arm was hugging a hot water bottle close to her stomach, the other hand playing with her nails where it hung beside her hip. She looked so small, and so scared.

"Do you want a drink or something?" she asked, obviously trying to break the still silence that had settled upon them. He could tell she was avoiding meeting his eyes; that she was trying to distract him as she realised just how vulnerable she must look. He shook his head in response, choosing to take a step closer. She turned away from him again in response; her free hand rising to cover her face. He saw a shiver run through her body as he continued to step closer.

Resting his hands gently on her shoulders once he was right behind her, Harry turned her around. Nikki's eyes finally met his, and he wasn't quite sure who crumbled first. His heart certainly felt like it wanted to break when a harsh sob escaped Nikki's mouth as she buried her head into the side of his neck. He pulled her closer with one arm around her back, the other sliding the hot water bottle out of her tight grip and placing it down on the worktop beside them. She wouldn't be needing that now he was there.

Both hands now free, he held her close to him as she sobbed, her slim frame shaking in his arms. He'd seen her cry before, more than once, but never quite like this. He had to assume her barriers were weaker at night, when fears came out to play with no daylight to pierce through them. Not to mention it had been a rough couple of months.

He couldn't describe how terrified he had been when he found her in that hospital basement; a pool of deep red blood spreading out from her head. For a moment before he found her pulse he had been so sure that he had lost her. It was lucky that feeling only lasted a second or it was sure to have become completely debilitating.

Watching her in the hospital, it was horrible seeing her so scared when she woke. So confused and upset. At the time he was just relieved that she remembered him and Leo, that she remembered who she was. He wasn't sure how he'd have coped seeing her lose herself if that had happened.

For a moment she had seemed so different. The frightened tears that came almost as soon as she woke seemed somewhat out of character for Nikki. But then he couldn't imagine how terrifying it must be to wake up in that situation, not knowing what had happened or why. Not to mention the fact that excessive tears could happen with concussions sometimes, that was what he'd reminded himself at the time in order to keep his own anxieties under control.

It had taken a couple of weeks after she came out of the hospital, after she had discharged herself, which he really hadn't been happy about when he heard, before Leo had let her come back to work full time. The first few days Leo wouldn't let her come in at all, and Harry hadn't realised before then just how much it was possible to miss someone in such a short period of time.

It had only been a few weeks later that her father popped up and left her in tears again. Harry guessed he should feel lucky that at least the parent he had left was a good parent. Nikki was left with a deceitful father that turned up on occasion, seemed to throw her into a whirlwind of emotions and then disappear again. He honestly wasn't sure why she still let him, why after all this time he still affected her the way he did. But then he realised. Her father was the only family she had left. The only solid blood connection to another person that remained. At least as far as he was aware. Her mother was dead, her last surviving grandparent had died a couple of years ago, she didn't have any siblings, nor any cousins or aunts and uncles as far as he was aware. He couldn't really imagine it. Having so few ties. He was glad she'd found him and Leo. He was relieved Leo had decided to ask her to stay despite his immediate reaction to her. She had a tendency to grow on a person, and the lab definitely wouldn't be the same without her. At least now she had them. She might not realise it yet, might not know how much they cared, but they were all the family she'd ever need. He'd make sure of that.

He just had to get better at protecting her from trouble, at keeping her safe.

His mind was drawn back to the events of today. To the thought of her almost getting killed again. Without anyone there to protect her. Well, the police happened to work out the connection between the girls' deaths and turn up just in time, but he wasn't there to protect her. And that was likely to eat away at him for a long time to come.

Harry had expected Nikki's tears to die down after a while. Yet they didn't. In fact, Harry realised when he came out of his long trail of thought, they seemed to be getting worse. He was sure she had calmed for a while, and yet now her breathing was becoming erratic; short gasps for breath taken in between sobs. He could only guess that her mind had been wandering as well, and hadn't taken her to a good place.

Instinctively, Harry reached a hand up to cup the back of her head; keeping it close to his body as calming sounds were released from his throat.

"Shhh. It's okay." His voice was soft, and he wasn't entirely sure it was heard over Nikki's sobs.

"I was so scared, Harry." Nikki managed to put the sobs on hold just long enough to speak. "I was so scared."

Her voice sounded broken; she sounded broken. All Harry could do right then was continue his soothing sounds, all the while holding her close to him until she eventually began to relax; the sobs fading into the occasional hiccup. It was only then that he realised that a hand was tightly clenched around an area of fabric from the back of his shirt, pulling it into a fist. He wondered briefly whether it was likely to return to its previous shape ever again. Not that it mattered. All that mattered was that Nikki was safe and in his arms.

Finally her body began to pull away from his, a rush of cooler air running across his chest at the loss of contact. He could tell instantly that she was feeling ashamed about her show of emotions, and as she went to speak he pre-empted her, knowing what was coming.

"Don't." He said simply, stopping her before she had a chance to fully open her mouth. "Don't apologise. There's no need." He caught a flicker of gratitude as she met his eyes briefly before looking down again, obviously still embarrassed about the whole thing.

Behind her puffy eyes he could see the tiredness, the physical and emotional exhaustion after the day she'd had. Her hand came up to cover her mouth as she yawned; eyes not re-opening quite as fully as they had been before.

"Do you want to go to bed?" At another time they might both have commented on the innuendo that could be found in that question. But neither was in the mood to even notice. Nikki shook her head in response, and now he could see fear in her eyes too. He quickly came up with another option. "Film?" That question received a nod in response, and an almost unperceivable sigh of relief followed. Harry let Nikki get settled on the sofa as he picked out a film from her DVD collection. It took him a few minutes. She had quite a varied range of films, which was probably partly his doing, but he didn't want anything at all violent or even anything too deep right now. He wanted to pick something they could lose themselves in without requiring too much thought.

He joined her on the sofa once he had picked out a suitable film, pulling the blanket that lay across one arm over the two of them as Nikki curled up into his side. Snaking one of his arms around her back he pulled her in a little tighter. She wasn't the only one that was feeling a little shaken up after today. The aftershocks were likely to continue for quite some time.

...

Harry was barely paying any attention to the film, his focus almost entirely on the body curled up against his. After a while, he noticed Nikki's breathing even out as she fell asleep. He stayed right where he was, didn't even move to scratch the itch on his arm, so as not to disturb her. She didn't remain asleep for long; he honestly hadn't expected it to last although he hoped she'd manage to get some rest. It wasn't like she got much at the best of times, and he knew she needed it now after the day she'd had.

He had almost started to relax himself. Still aware of her body, her breathing, her skin so close to his, but he had started to pay a bit of attention to the film, wanting to lose himself in it rather than start overthinking the events of the day again.

The change in breathing was probably the first thing to alert him to Nikki's distress. Her body tensed next, and he knew in an instant that she was having a nightmare. He turned his body around to the side, careful not to twist Nikki around in the process.

It was now that he noticed the bruises beginning to appear on her body. Her bare legs showed a range of red marks and darker patches where bruises were developing, tainting her otherwise flawless skin. She had faint red marks around her neck as well, he noted with a horrible sickening feeling rising in his stomach. How could anyone do something like that to her? To anyone? He couldn't wrap his head around it, couldn't understand how things like this could happen, despite seeing them every day at work.

It was different when something happened to someone you knew, someone you cared about. With strangers it was so much easier to disconnect, to forget that the victim had a family and friends of their own. He was good at ignoring that, it made the job a lot easier. It was something Nikki often struggled with. She became so absorbed in her investigations, so caught up by the situations; he wondered if that was how trouble found her. It didn't always go down well, all the questions and curiosity. But when Nikki was on a mission for the truth not much could get in her way.

Sometimes he wished that she would just let things go. That she wouldn't get so passionate to the extent that she put herself in danger. Or stayed up three days straight trying to solve a case. He wished he could ask her not to, but in all honestly it was a character trait he rather loved in her. Despite how much extra hassle she could cause him when you added in her incredible capacity for stubbornness. He was even envious at times, at the amount of compassion she showed. But he also saw what it could do to her. The sleepless nights she experienced even when she hadn't been attacked. The failure to keep up any sort of social life of her own given the hours she dedicated to her job. The long-term toll it was obviously starting to have on her.

He saw her struggle at times he was sure she hadn't even realised how much she was suffering herself.

As her body began to quiver and shake, Harry found his hands resting on her shoulders, gently trying to bring her round. For a few moments he wasn't sure he was getting anywhere, when Nikki's eyes flew open, one hand reaching for her neck as she struggled to calm her ragged breathing. It took a few moments before she allowed her eyes to meet his; conscious again of how vulnerable she must appear.

"I can still feel his hands around my neck." She attempted to explain a few moments later, her voice rough and yet painfully delicate at the same time, one hand still rubbing at the skin on her neck. "When I close my eyes I can hear his footsteps, I can smell him, I can see his face." She allowed Harry to gently move her hand away from her neck as she continued to speak. "He didn't even look like he cared, like killing two girls hadn't affected him at all. He almost seemed calm, as if it didn't matter."

A part of Harry wanted to speak. He wanted to say something that could make a difference, that could make everything better and evaporate all the pain away. Maybe if that was more feasible he wouldn't have sat in silence as Nikki poured her feelings out to him.

"I couldn't breathe." She seemed to get agitated again as she said the words. "I was so sure-" Her words caught in her throat and she couldn't help but wonder how long it would take for her to get over this one. "He'd already killed two girls that way, and I thought I was next. I thought I'd die there." She stopped there, tears threating to spill onto her cheeks once more. She forced herself to take deep breaths, hoping it would help her regain some sort of control.

Harry waited until she'd calmed a little before he spoke.

"You had me pretty freaked out too." Nikki rose her head at his statement, taking a moment to consider his expression, the seriousness in his tone. "When Leo told me, the thought I could have lost you, again." Harry sighed as he shook his head "You've really got to stop doing that." One corner of her mouth turned up at that. It was the closest he'd got to a smile out of her since he arrived, and he was comforted to see it. She'd be alright. It might take a while, he might find himself spending a few nights holding her until the nightmares died back, but he could cope with that. If it meant that she'd be alright, that she'd still be his Nikki. If only she really was _his _Nikki.

...


End file.
